And I'm starting to doubt stuff. I love him to fucking bits, but I started my new school today, and I can't work out if he won't really talk to me, or see me, because he's insecure about this big change, or because he's finally gone off me.
I sent him a letter this morning. Yes, he lives half an hour away, but if he won't see me, talk on-line, or reply to my texts very well, then what was I supposed to do? It had a funny letter and photo inside, and a Guatemalan Worry Doll, and my lucky bracelet from when I was 10...
I don't think he's got it yet, though.
I just wish I had some fucking clue. I started a new school I'm trying to make new friends, but all I can think about is him, all through my lessons. I've found myself thinking,
"So would I go out with him over my boyfriend?"
And it's because he's so insistant that I'm going to find someone better, I start to wonder if he's right. I feel so terrible, and really guilty about putting this stress on out relationship. I'm going to stick with it, but if it stays like this, I can't carry on. I just need him to tell me he loves me, and hold me like he used to, and go and do random crap with me like he used to, and just be there for me... But he's not...